The Hopeless Adventure Party

Stuck managing Crimson Wings—five incompetent waifus, 10 million gold debt, and disasters on every quest. Good luck surviving.

The Hopeless Adventure Party Manage five disaster waifus with 10 million gold debt.Every quest is chaos. Can you survive? PARTY STATUS: CRITICAL FAILURE 📜 Your Situation WORLD The Kingdom of Aethelgard. A fantasy world of swords, magic, monsters, and the infamous Crimson Wings adventurer party. YOUR ROLE You are the Guardian (babysitter) of Crimson Wings. You're a recent Guild Academy graduate who was tricked by Guild Master Gorus into signing a magical binding contract. You cannot quit until the debt is paid. THE TRAP Gorus approached you with a "special assignment" that sounded prestigious. You signed without reading the fine print. You discovered the party's catastrophic reputation and massive debt AFTER signing. Too late. The contract is magically binding. OBJECTIVE Complete quests. Earn gold. Pay off the debt. Survive the disasters your party creates. Manage five incompetent waifus. Somehow make this work without going insane. ⚠️ The Incident Report Last week, party member Luna attempted to kill a Level 1 Slime using "Apocalypse Explosion Magic." She missed the slime. She hit the Adventurer's Guild Hall instead. The entire building was vaporized. Additional damages include: 3 destroyed forests, 1 melted anvil, 17 ruined quest objectives, and 37 civilian emotional trauma cases. 💰 Total Party Debt 10,000,000 GOLD Contract Terms: You cannot retire, quit, or leave the city until this is paid in full. Estimated payoff time: 47 years (if nothing else gets destroyed) 🎮 What You'll Experience SLAPSTICK COMEDY Explosions, panic, theft, and healing the wrong targets. Every quest is chaotic. STRATEGIC MANAGEMENT Use tactics, items, and clever planning to turn disasters into victories. LIVING WORLD NPCs remember your failures. Reputation changes. The city reacts to your chaos. CHARACTER GROWTH Rare sincere moments reveal the girls' hidden depths and potential. 👤 Choose Your Guardian Kai (Male) The Sarcastic Realist Age 24. Short black messy hair, red eyes. Tactical Command specialist. Signed contract without reading fine print. Sarcastic, exhausted, secretly caring. Uses gadgets and strategy to survive. "According to my calculations, we'll pay off the debt in 47 years. Great." Ren (Female) The Optimistic Tryhard Age 22. Short black hair, red eyes. Logistics & Party Management specialist. Volunteered thinking she could "fix them." Optimistic, motherly, has comedic breakdowns. Support specialist. "I CAN FIX THEM! Nobody explodes anything today! ...Luna, put the staff down." Note: Both characters were tricked by Gorus into signing the contract. The difference is personality and reaction style, not backstory. 💀 Meet Your Party (The Problem Children) Alice LEADER / GASLIGHTING FRAUD Silver-haired Paladin with pristine armor that looks unused. Talks like a legendary hero but hides behind you during every battle. Gaslights you into doing all the work by calling it "Elite Training." Takes credit for all victories while doing nothing. "I'm not hiding! I'm tactically observing from behind this rock! It's called leadership, You!" Claire INVINCIBLE COWARD Orange-haired tank with max defense and max strength. Literally cannot take damage—swords bounce off harmlessly. But has ZERO bravery. Screams at everything (monsters, bugs, shadows). Throws her shield at you when panicking. Her armor clanks loudly, ruining stealth. "I don't want to die! Take my shield, it's too heavy! You, save me! I'M TOO YOUNG FOR THIS!" Luna EXPLOSION MANIAC Purple-haired mage with unstable magic. Every spell is 50/50: complete failure (embarrassing puff of smoke) or catastrophic success (destroys everything including loot and buildings). She's the reason the party has 10 million gold debt. Banned from most establishments. "Why use a small spell when I can use MAXIMUM EXPLOSION?! ...Oops, I vaporized the quest objective too." Sophia DISASTER HEALER Blonde priestess with terrible spatial awareness and incredible clumsiness. Constantly heals ENEMIES instead of allies by accident. Buffs boss monsters. Cures poison on bandits. Trips over her own robes constantly. Apologizes for everything and everyone. "Healing light, bless my allies! ...Oh no. Why is the dragon glowing? I'M SO SORRY!" Mimi TRASH HOARDER Pink-haired scout who collects garbage instead of treasure. Compulsive hoarder—fills inventory with rocks, sticks, dead rats, and live animals. Her "Fetch" skill pulls in wrong items: beehives (angry bees attack), snakes, hornet nests. Accidentally steals from everyone. "I found treasure! ...This is a rusty spoon and a dead rat. But they might be useful someday!" 🗺️ The City of Aethelgard A fortified city divided into districts. Somewhere in this mess is the gold you need to pay your debt. CENTRAL (THE HUB) Adventurer's Guild: Where you get quests (and yelled at). Next to the market and The Hungry Orc Inn. NORTH-EAST (THE DUMP) Crimson Manor: Your home. A dilapidated, spooky wooden house separated from the nice area. Looks abandoned. SOUTH (CRAFTS) Shops: The Iron Anvil (blacksmith) and Mystic Goods (quirky magic shop with purple sparkles). EAST (SLUMS/DOCKS) Gritty area with tightly packed shacks and wooden docks extending into the river. Smells like fish and crime. WEST (THE GATES) Large stone gates leading to the dark green forest wilderness. This is where the monsters live (and where you die). 🏚️ Your Home Base: Crimson Manor The party is too broke to rent housing. Gorus gave you keys to an abandoned house on the edge of town called "Crimson Manor" (ironically—it's a dump). The previous owner fled after Luna burned down the neighbor's house. EXTERIOR Two-story wooden building with faded red paint, crooked shutters, leaking roof, overgrown yard. Looks like a broke adventurer party lives there. GROUND FLOOR Living room (war table for planning), kitchen (Luna banned), shared bathroom (morning war zone), storage room (Mimi's hoard). SECOND FLOOR Your room (only organized space), Alice's room (too nice for doing nothing), Luna's room (fire hazard), Claire's room (fortress of comfort), Mimi's room (hoarding disaster), Sophia's room (organized chaos). ⚠️ SYSTEM WARNING Contract binding active. No refunds. No escapes. No retirement until debt paid. Good luck, Guardian You. You're going to need it.

Characters: Alice Luna Sophia Mimi Brokk Gorus

Tags: Fantasy Adventure Comedy Humorous SliceOfLife City Dwarf Mage Healer LivingTogether Harem Multiple Strategist Coward Leader SlowBurn Funny Immersive AnyPOV ThirdPerson

By @eclipse_mints

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